Archive for the ‘Miscellaneous strangeness’ category

Mickey the Mad Bastard

November 5th, 2009

Just found this while flicking through an old travel journal that was in a box I was cleaning out.

It was 2001 and I was on the Greek island of Santorini. My travel companions and I had come across this chav lad from Birmingham who was a total dickhead but nice enough in a harmless way. We hung out with him a bit and called him Mickey the Mad Bastard. He’d come to Santorini to get away from his girlfriend who was giving him the shits or something similar.

One afternoon he showed us a text message he’d sent to his girlfriend the night before …

Li babe, inGreed e at mo: completely leathered lore you are well. I know in a cunt don’t hate me, I still care about you, xxx

… and her response.

You are a cunt. Maybe talk to you later.

Mickey the Mad Bastard was kind enough to take a photo with my camera when he came back to the dorm at 4am one morning.

mtmb1

King of bling

October 8th, 2009

This drawing of a king from my Arabic textbook shows one seriously cool dude.

Because some things just deserve a wider audience

September 30th, 2009

This morning a couple of off-topic comments lobbed into Pure Poison from another single-issue nutter who sees a giant media/political conspiracy wherever he looks. As usual we didn’t approve the comments but this only served to motivate this particular nutter. In no time at all he was threatening to expose us on Twitter as the evil conspirators we clearly are.

Crikey’s, in the tweet below, are fearful that knowledge will leak out about their cover-up of Editor Fagan’s cover-up of Hallam’s crimes.

After repeatedly failing to get any comments published, Don Ross emailed the Pure Poison authors.

Subject: Hello the Fulsome Foursome, A good tip to you personally but not to Crikey members in general. Cheers and good luck, Anon.

Crikey, you guys are not the sharpest arrows in a Fletcher’s quiver …

The email, CC’d to most of Australia’s major newspapers, contained a creative Photoshop of the Pure Poison logo.

So I replied to Don’s email.

UNSUBSCRIBE

But somehow Don took my smartarse reply to be genuine interest and emailed me back. (If only I’d ignored him like the other guys did.)

From: On 4/08/09 Fotheringham admitted Hallam falsified certificate under BCC instructions by BCC Arborist Mr Fletcher. Evidence for police investigation requires Bligh to respond on behalf of Beattie . [XXXX@optusnet.com.au]
To: $$ Scott Bridges of Crikey a blind leading the very dense [sdebridges@gmail.com], “Mark Day covers-up Wardill’s cover-up of crime.” [XXXX@ozemail.com.au]
CC: $$ Syvret hides Hallam’s extortion crime to prote [XXXX@qnp.newsltd.com.au],
“$$ Syvret sees no Hallam falsification.” [XXXX@thecouriermail.com.au],
XXXX@qnp.newsltd.com.au,
XXXX@qnp.newsltd.com.au,
$$ Sashka Koloff on behalf of Jo Puccini [mediawatch@your.abc.net.au],
XXXX@newsltd.com.au,
madonnaXXXX@bigpond.net.au,
Bill Conor was aware of falsified cerificate on 2 [XXXX@griffinhilditch.com],
$$ Fotheringham never denies his blatant falseho [XXXX@griffinhilditch.com],
$$ Fotheringham flopped after Anstey & Anskern hi [Danielle.Trezise@griffinhilditch.com],
“$$ Crikeys swear black & green they see nothing.” [XXXX@crikey.com.au]
Date: 30 September 2009 11:50
Subject: Hello Scott, Just a wee bit of spoon feeding to give you a head start on the journos North of the border. You have to laugh, journalists no more honest than lawyers. Take care, & good luck with the cover-ups. Don Ross

Hello Scott Bridges, Crikey’s Team,

I sense in you I can get another Syvret-type character to commit hara kiri.

Just respond to this email honestly or as best you can.

Scott, two lawyers from South Australia & two arborists will go to jail for missing the extra SULE falsification shown below. Sure, it takes time, Scott, to achieve that result but if lawyers wander into an engineering field expect the unexpected.

Deborah Blythe of the CMC did not like to read my emails on 21/11/2006 but you are a “come in spinner” type of journalist I would like to come aboard.

Sir, why not write to me again and claim there is some way that the assertion in the red font above will not be proven true but see if your argument is fair & honest before you send it off.

Dozens of Syvret’s, Soorley’s, Williams’s and Houghton’s emails never achieved that standard.

Remember, Scott, when push comes to shove, journalists, politicians & lawyers, in my considerable experience, lose all ability to make intelligent observation because falsified government certificates are plain for all jurors and honest persons to see.

Ciao & I always welcome my getting another Syvret in tow,

Don Ross.

Wow. Just wow.

Subtle hint

September 13th, 2009

My birthday’s only a few months away so it’s time for you all to start thinking about what you might like to buy me. *cough* Suggestion *cough*:

SHOOT FERALS AUSTRALIA MAGAZINE : “Shoot Ferals Australia” is a specialist hunting magazine that promotes hunting conservation and ethical hunting values like no other Australian Hunting Magazine. Modelled off the popular “Boar it up Ya” publication, “Shoot Ferals Australia” is targeted at Shooters & Bow Hunters that routinely hunt all types of declared Australian Game & Feral Animals. Read reports of hunts that include Rabbits, Foxes, Pigs, Goats, various species of Deer, Wild Cattle, Buffalo and for good measure, some awesome Fishing action. Each issue will include reports from prominent Political figures and Hunting Associations. Special and regular features will include Rifle & Shooting product reviews, ATV reviews and News, Cooking suggestions, Hunters Photo Gallery and a special section for Kids that venture out Hunting with their parents. Add on the Patriotic yet Cynical ex-Roo Shooter “Bullzeye Bob & his Dog Bugger” for some cartoon fun, and at just $7.50, “Shoot Ferals Australia” will appeal to all hunters alike.

Maybe you could all chip in a few bucks towards a subscription so I can keep up with the zany adventures of “Patriotic yet Cynical ex-Roo Shooter ‘Bullzeye Bob & his Dog Bugger’”.